[He can't believe that Jude would really try to deceive him of all people. It would be ridiculous to believe that Alvin; who's entire life was built up of facades and fallacies-- would fall for such a poor lie.
But if Jude wants to play that game then fine.]
Can't say I'm surprised I'm in the position to rob the cradle.
[Can't blame anyone for thinking he'd add another crime to his already impressive list. It's a joke though. Really.]
Well, if that's the case then I guess I really can't accept that answer, darling. You're not being even a little believable. That's just going to make a guy worry more.
["Playing" or not, the last part is... surprisingly genuine. Incredibly so. He's not going to make him talk but Jude should at least know that he's got someone to talk to if he wants. Not that he'd say he's the best to talk to. Even so...]
[So don't complain when he takes the invitation to embarrass you further. They're just make believe roles, right? It's fine. Nothing to it.]
That's funny... because I think if I was the one in your position, you'd be just as worried.
[Alvin sighs and puts his hand on top of Jude's. He might not be that good at the physical contact thing where emotions are involved but... he knows that this kind of thing typically comforts Jude. And if that's the case then, well, he can't say he minds it that much.]
If there's nothing I can do to help, then I'll accept that. But unless you tell me that it's gonna keep bothering me. Besides... I know you well enough to know that you wouldn't lie if it wasn't important.
[ jude hangs his head and puffs out a small sigh, resigning himself to his fate. he can't deny alvin. not when he just wants to help. ]
You're a really good friend, you know that?
[ the warmth of alvin's larger hand on his is steadying. grounding. that warmth reminds him just how much alvin's changed, and just how lucky jude is to have him here with him. jude's thumb grazes against his. ]
But you have to promise not to laugh at me. Or tease me. Or— or— just promise.
he clears his throat, cheeks flushed pink. here goes nothing. ]
I ended up falling for a good friend, and I sort of kissed him on impulse, but he's not even human so he doesn't understand whether or not he reciprocates my feelings, and telling you this just made me realize... why do I keep getting mixed up in complicated relationships with people who don't fall under the classification of "human"? Is this some sort of pattern?
[ jude is sort of out of breath when he stops talking. his hand underneath alvin's has curled into a white-knuckled fist. it's hard to meet alvin's gaze, but he does, searching his eyes to gauge his reaction. that was a lot. ]
[Ah... so that was why Jude didn't like it when he played around. Heh. Why should he be surprised? Jude wanted someone to have a meaningful relationship with. He was mature beyond his years.]
...and you're actually worried?
[Alvin says like he's very clearly not. But he does take his hand back. Very casually, like it's nothing.]
Listen. Trust me. That's pretty normal. The more you want it to go well, the worse it does. You don't have anything to worry about.
[...he sighs.]
I'm probably the last person you should go to for advice on not screwing up monumentally. But that's fine... because as long as you're you, you'll be fine. It might not happen right away but-- you'll get through to them.
[He didn't picture Jude having a problem like that. He was usually a lot more composed. But then... if it came out of a spat then maybe he wasn't thinking straight.]
Now might be a good time to think about that. Sure it doesn't have to be anything serious, but I don't think you're the type who'd be happy rushing into something like that casually.
[ jude nods, lips straightening into a thin line. he takes what alvin says seriously. ]
Yeah. I wouldn't mess around with something like this. It might not have happened how I wanted it to happen, but... it still happened, so I ended up confessing to everything. I don't even know how much sense I made.
... Even if it turns out he can't look at me the way I look at him, as long as we can still have the friendship we have now, I think I'll be okay.
[ the look on jude's face says otherwise. it'll... be hard. he understands that 9s needs to sort things through, but he still hates this waiting, this not knowing. ]
Normally I'd say that no one who actually says that means it, but you-- eh, I guess there's always an exception.
[Most people would grieve, be hurt... not be able to look at that person the same at least for a while. Jude-- well, he might actually be capable of forgiving someone on the spot and moving forward. It's amazing but also kind of scary.]
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no subject
Date: 2017-10-15 07:37 pm (UTC)But if Jude wants to play that game then fine.]
Can't say I'm surprised I'm in the position to rob the cradle.
[Can't blame anyone for thinking he'd add another crime to his already impressive list. It's a joke though. Really.]
Well, if that's the case then I guess I really can't accept that answer, darling. You're not being even a little believable. That's just going to make a guy worry more.
["Playing" or not, the last part is... surprisingly genuine. Incredibly so. He's not going to make him talk but Jude should at least know that he's got someone to talk to if he wants. Not that he'd say he's the best to talk to. Even so...]
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Date: 2017-10-15 07:51 pm (UTC)I was just kidding! Why do you have to make everything sound so... unsavory?
[ of course alvin wouldn't believe him, though. how many times has jude called him out on his lies? and alvin is a far better liar than jude is. ]
But it's... It's sort of complicated. Seriously, there's nothing for you to worry about.
Dear.
[ maybe he can pretend everything's fine if he keeps up with the banter! yeah. ]
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Date: 2017-10-15 08:06 pm (UTC)[So don't complain when he takes the invitation to embarrass you further. They're just make believe roles, right? It's fine. Nothing to it.]
That's funny... because I think if I was the one in your position, you'd be just as worried.
[Alvin sighs and puts his hand on top of Jude's. He might not be that good at the physical contact thing where emotions are involved but... he knows that this kind of thing typically comforts Jude. And if that's the case then, well, he can't say he minds it that much.]
If there's nothing I can do to help, then I'll accept that. But unless you tell me that it's gonna keep bothering me. Besides... I know you well enough to know that you wouldn't lie if it wasn't important.
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Date: 2017-10-15 08:15 pm (UTC)[ jude hangs his head and puffs out a small sigh, resigning himself to his fate. he can't deny alvin. not when he just wants to help. ]
You're a really good friend, you know that?
[ the warmth of alvin's larger hand on his is steadying. grounding. that warmth reminds him just how much alvin's changed, and just how lucky jude is to have him here with him. jude's thumb grazes against his. ]
But you have to promise not to laugh at me. Or tease me. Or— or— just promise.
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Date: 2017-10-15 08:20 pm (UTC)[Maybe he's not ready to completely give himself that credit yet, but-- it's fine as long as he can use that to help Jude.]
I swear it. Cross my heart and all that good stuff.
[How he said it aside-- he's sincere. He means it.]
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Date: 2017-10-15 08:35 pm (UTC)he clears his throat, cheeks flushed pink. here goes nothing. ]
I ended up falling for a good friend, and I sort of kissed him on impulse, but he's not even human so he doesn't understand whether or not he reciprocates my feelings, and telling you this just made me realize... why do I keep getting mixed up in complicated relationships with people who don't fall under the classification of "human"? Is this some sort of pattern?
[ jude is sort of out of breath when he stops talking. his hand underneath alvin's has curled into a white-knuckled fist. it's hard to meet alvin's gaze, but he does, searching his eyes to gauge his reaction. that was a lot. ]
2/2
Date: 2017-10-15 08:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-10-15 08:51 pm (UTC)...and you're actually worried?
[Alvin says like he's very clearly not. But he does take his hand back. Very casually, like it's nothing.]
Listen. Trust me. That's pretty normal. The more you want it to go well, the worse it does. You don't have anything to worry about.
[...he sighs.]
I'm probably the last person you should go to for advice on not screwing up monumentally. But that's fine... because as long as you're you, you'll be fine. It might not happen right away but-- you'll get through to them.
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Date: 2017-10-15 08:58 pm (UTC)[ jude blinks. well, alvin didn't laugh at him. he kept his promise. jude knew he would. ]
It can't really be that simple, can it?
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Date: 2017-10-15 09:06 pm (UTC)[Even with the weird heaviness in his chest, it's not difficult for Alvin to say--]
I can't imagine anyone who wouldn't be happy to have someone like you genuinely care about them that way.
[If that was unclear, then--]
If they reject you, I'll eat my scarf.
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Date: 2017-10-15 09:10 pm (UTC)Are you sure? I mean, I know how much you care about that scarf...
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Date: 2017-10-15 09:12 pm (UTC)[Alvin grins and... yeah this is fine like this.]
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Date: 2017-10-15 09:14 pm (UTC)Thanks, Alvin. I feel... a bit lighter.
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Date: 2017-10-15 09:17 pm (UTC)[He wouldn't actually make you buy him one. He wouldn't know what to do with a gift anyway.]
Good. at least it wasn't anything serious. You had me worried.
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Date: 2017-10-15 09:22 pm (UTC)Besides saving the world and dispelling the schism and all that. I suppose that stuff was a little more serious.
[ jude chuckles again. ]
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Date: 2017-10-15 09:29 pm (UTC)[He grins. Well... then again, it's Jude. He wouldn't be saying anything if it wasn't serious.]
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Date: 2017-10-15 09:33 pm (UTC)A-Alvin! I'm not in love! When I said it was serious, I didn't mean that serious!
[ jude slumps over the table. rip jude mathis. ]
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Date: 2017-10-15 09:39 pm (UTC)[Okay he's teasing but also-- he is a little surprised.
Maybe he's rubbing off on Jude too.
yikes.]
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Date: 2017-10-15 09:45 pm (UTC)[ jude is guessing that promise expired as soon as he said he was feeling better. sigh. ]
Besides, I didn't kiss him on purpose. It was...
[ jude hums, deep in thought. how does he phrase this? ]
Kind of like I was running on autopilot. Like I didn't know what I was doing until I had done it.
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Date: 2017-10-15 10:11 pm (UTC)[He didn't picture Jude having a problem like that. He was usually a lot more composed. But then... if it came out of a spat then maybe he wasn't thinking straight.]
Now might be a good time to think about that. Sure it doesn't have to be anything serious, but I don't think you're the type who'd be happy rushing into something like that casually.
no subject
Date: 2017-10-15 10:22 pm (UTC)Yeah. I wouldn't mess around with something like this. It might not have happened how I wanted it to happen, but... it still happened, so I ended up confessing to everything. I don't even know how much sense I made.
... Even if it turns out he can't look at me the way I look at him, as long as we can still have the friendship we have now, I think I'll be okay.
[ the look on jude's face says otherwise. it'll... be hard. he understands that 9s needs to sort things through, but he still hates this waiting, this not knowing. ]
no subject
Date: 2017-10-25 11:07 pm (UTC)[Most people would grieve, be hurt... not be able to look at that person the same at least for a while. Jude-- well, he might actually be capable of forgiving someone on the spot and moving forward. It's amazing but also kind of scary.]
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Date: 2017-10-25 11:09 pm (UTC)Thanks, Alvin. I'm glad I decided to come forward and talk to you about this, after all.
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Date: 2017-10-25 11:33 pm (UTC)[Probably. At least that's what he's heard.]
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Date: 2017-10-25 11:35 pm (UTC)[ jude laughs. ]
Yeah. Of course. I'll let you know how things turn out.
(no subject)
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